It’s Thursday night. You’re cooking dinner after feeling famished all day at work. You hurry to finish the chicken Alfredo before your freeloading roommate gets home. You glide around the kitchen, collecting the final ingredients as Julia Michaels’ “Issues” plays. Your voice breaks on the line “I’ve got issues.” Then your roommate walks in the door.
You discreetly roll your eyes. The source of your issues asks, “Oh, chicken Alfredo? Do you mind making a little extra for me?” Once again, they have run out of groceries for the week and are mooching off of you. Still, you don’t want them to starve. You throw some more fettuccine and chicken in the skillet.
After cooking, you go to wash your hands. But the soap is so watered down that it is clearly ineffective. This can only be the work of your penny-pinching roommate, who never spends their own money. When your roommate first moved in, there were a few warning signs. Originally, you planned to divvy up the furniture and other items needed to complete your apartment. That plan quickly fell apart. The only things your roommate offered was a beat-up dishwasher found on the side of the road and a couch with stuffing pouring out of it. Out of the kindness of your heart, you believed they were just tight on money at the time.
Now, you know they are a true cheapskate. Even though they were promoted a year ago, they still use your shampoo instead of buying their own. You’re tired of waiting on your roommate to magically become responsible and start buying basic life necessities. You chunk the container of water with a hint of soap into the trash. You make a mental note to pick up more hand soap the next time you go to the store. Then you notice that there’s only one measly roll of toilet paper left.
You always have to buy the TP, and you’re sick of it. How can your roomie avoid spending money all of the time? Are they like Nick from New Girl? Are they so afraid of responsibility, commitment and banks that they also have years’ worth of unpaid bills in a box under his bed? Maybe so, but at least Nick eventually owns his own bar and is nice enough to provide free drinks for his roommates. Your roommate takes your beer all the time and never returns the favor. Just like Jess decided to help Nick grow up by using his money to pay the bills in the box, you hide the last toilet paper roll in your room. Here’s to hoping your roommate actually grows up and buys their own TP for once.